Misfit girl

So, I listened to "O Come, O Come Emmanuel", The Piano Guys version, and this song goes with these lyrics in a rather psychotic way. Haha. Loved it!!! >>Happened rather by accident. So, if you can sing, or know someone who can sing, take that idea and run with it.

As for the structure of lyrics, viewing them by theirselves, they seem very sufferable. I think you might have too many things going on at once, but at the same time, a lot of poetry has exactly that: several topics and emotions.

The flow worked well, but I tell most people this: eliminating your "to-be" verbs will make your writing so much richer! Especially in poetry, because you're explaining an emotion in so few words.

Also, I think it would flow better if you didn't shift from "I" to "you" so often. You can tell me what the other person is feeling through your own emotions, or vice versa. It helps the reader focus on either the writer or the person they are writing about. (I hope that makes sense.)

My favorite lines were the last ones: "I'm yours... Your beautiful catastrophie." In reference to what I mentioned above, you might can keep both subjects of the "I" and "you" but organize them better. Separate them into stanzas, and keep the "I" in one stanza, and in the next stanza move on to the "you" in an "a, b, a, b, a, etc.", then combine them in the end.

Just some thoughts. There's nothing right or wrong about poetry. That's what makes it beautiful! I enjoyed this piece over-all.

--Christoph Poe