literature

Character development

Deviation Actions

By
Published:
70 Views

Literature Text

He launched himself off of me as if someone had pinched him and sat on the edge of the bed, his long legs bent up at odd angles, he looked too big for the motel bed. He had a lit Newport dangling from the fingertips of his right hand which rested easily on his leg; The red glow  of it added an ethereal feel to the moment. He took a long drag from it and then turned to look at me; slowly he blew out a trail of white smoke, taking me in with his strange yellow eyes. I was still lying on the bed, watching him, it had only just dawned on me that we were done making out for the night, not for the first time I felt completely out of my element, confused…but I understood. He was trying to go at my pace while I was trying to go at his; he was making a point. 'It's up to you.'  After what seemed like forever he said:
"Do you still think I'm a perfect gentleman?" He gestured as he talked and the tip of the cigarette accented his movement.
"..You're fine" I said in a throaty voice after a moment's hesitation, I wasn't sure what else to say, I thought about saying: 'No a gentleman would have fucked me, instead of leaving me wet and confused.' But no, the words seemed clunky and awkward. All my words around him seemed clunky and awkward. Besides, I was playing the lady. Damn propriety.  
"You're shot." He said, turning away again. His way of saying 'we're done talking now.' He sucked in another lung-full.
Part of a chapter...
© 2012 - 2024 ClusterEff
Comments3
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
KTierson's avatar
The question here is for whom? Who is this developing?

We don't get any names other than a Gentleman and a Lady. There's only the scant details of the man, yellow eyes, long legs, and the implication of a larger than normal/average body type.

As for the lady, you get no physical details to hold onto. You do get her perspective, which is nice, but there's nothing else to really say here. It's a short scene that establishes a potentially interesting and also awkward scene. What's at stake here? What is being lost or gained? Is this setting up anything?

I'm also having trouble understanding the statement of "You're shot". It just seems odd. I'm not getting the context, because there's not a lot of information.